Beautiful Barstow!

Well here I am -- 7 hours out of San Mateo in beautiful Barstow, CA. The drive through the Tehachapee (spelling) Mountains was breathtaking -- still alot of snow in those hills! GPS and mapquest gave me radically different directions on how to get here --but get here I did without incident -- well I thought I lost my cell phone at a rest stop in Hanford or Lemoore or something but just when I was ready to call somebody to call me so I could find it --I mean I dumped everything out of my purse, car, everything my book bag began to ring and all was good. forgot to pack the little cord that lets me connect camera to pc -- so hopefully someone will have one at training because I have the most hilarious shot of me in front of the car with ALL MY CRAP before I left. OMG i hope this training teaches me among other things to tread and travel lightly! Even bought more STUFF at Walmart tonight (never go there hungry -- bought so much snack food that it's not even funny!) not enough room for a passenger in my car right now -- my poor roommate! Using Al's ANCIENT lap top and every once in a while I must hit a key by mistake and either erase everyTHING I HAVE WRITTEN or it puts it in some random order. My emails are like Picasso paintings! Didn't miss a practice today -- brought my Bikram tape and did it in my hotel room. First time I actually DID the practice with the tape -- usually just listen to it (and fall asleep) so was surprised to hear him sing to us at the end. almost like a lullaby, very cute, very comforting. But he better not quit his day job to become a singer that is all I can say. Too excited to sleep, will work on dialogue a bit with the tape player before turning in. Want to leave around 8 or 9 -- after complementary free breakfast of course! -- to get there around 11 -- still two hours out -- check in at 1 and orientation at 3. Yikes, I am like a kid the night before the first day of kindergarten! Had a delicious dinner of chicken breast with brochuttia over fresh spinach and fresh asparagus. Figured what the heck, I will be burning it off soon enough. But somehow feel REALLY FULL. Always happens when I travel -- the internal systems get clogged up. MORE WIND REMOVING POSE, PLEASE! SORRY FOR THE BLUNTNESS AND FOR THE TYPOS CAN'T FIGURE THIS THING OUT YET!

Slacking Off

Well, I am officially behind on my memorization now. Haven't looked or listened to the Dialogue in two days. Not that I am not motivated, it is just that work and personal life kind of out of control right now.
But I am getting all the important stuff done -- ha ha. Like book an appointment for a Brazilian Bikini wax for Friday, hair cut on Tuesday, (although why the hair cut I don't know, not that I am going to be caring about what I look like either during or after two hot classes a day!, ordered and got the first copy of Bikram's Beginning Yoga book to have Mr. B sign, got all my Vitamins and Supplements from Drugstore.com. Going through all my gear and clothes for NO GREEN and what to take. Took my dog to the person that will be watching her for the nine weeks while I am gone -- that was very emotional for many reasons I won't get into at this time on this blog. Making arrangements for bills to be paid, mail to be sent or put on hold, telling my contacts at work that my desk will be in very capable hands. I have been practicing regularly, every day, but only once a day, and my only other constant is the chiropractor. Shoulders and neck are killing me. I am starting to get excited, starting to believe that I can do this, that I will do this, that I will be a Bikram instructor. The image of that in my head is what keeps me going. I am holding on to that. Off to do my work/trade at the studio -- my home studio which is a non-offiliated studio, who cares, I love it and it is home to me, and then practice. Appointment after work, and if all works out, meditation class tonight. In dire need of grounding. Finished the book on Awaking from Grief today at lunch. Can't recommend it enough for anyone who is dealing with any kind of loss: friend, job, death of parent, whatever. It is truly a gift, this book.
Be well.

Two weeks from today I will "Be in the Business"

This time two weeks from now I will actually be in Las Vegas for the start of teacher training. I can't believe the time is almost here. Staying on track to have all postures memorized before I get there. Whether I will be able to recall them all after I get there is another story, but at least I know that at one time they were in there. I am going to practice saying first side of Half Moon tomorrow in front of the 4:30 class. It is a tough group, my peers, but also supportive, and K thinks that once I say it in front of them, then it won't be so bad saying it in front of 350 and Mr. B. Besides, it will give me the opportunity to say the Dialogue in front of some one other than my dog. I wish I would have gotten more support with this on the home front, but that was not the case, and so be it. I am content saying it in front of Molly, (she likes it the more animated I get) and into my hand held recorder. There are some many uncertainties in my life right now. This will be very different when I get back and I worry about job, relationship, health of my mom. But I cannot second guess my decision to attend training now. I need to stop worrying about what may not even happen (or is happening and I am powerless to do anything about it) and concentrate on the NOW. Because I am making myself sick in the stomach and not sleeping at all. I worked registration today at my yoga studio (and YES, we were open for all classes EXCEPT two this Easter Sunday, and classes were well attended). Somebody is trying to send me some confidence and white light. There was a note in my cubby which read, "You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." --Buddha. I think I will be there with that right now.

Two Weeks Until I Leave

Two weeks from today, I will be loading up my little econ-car full of all my mats, yoga wear, supplements, bullet blender, detergent, GPS, coconut water, etc. and heading on down the road for the two-day drive to Las Vegas. Oh my, I cannot believe it!
I have been feeling a little bit less nervous about the Dialogue Memorization. I have myself on a strict one posture a day diet, and if I continue the way I should, I will get them all memorized with two days to spare. Cutting it close for sure, but that seems to be the way I roll! Let's just hope they STAY in there memorized, if not, I know there are in there somewhere.
Continuing to practice every day at my home studio, but only once a day now EXCEPT on Friday, Saturday and Sundays. It feels like a holiday practically. Was a little distracted during Silent class yesterday -- too much chatter, too much excitement going on in my head. Did a little last minute buying/returning of things I think I might need for the trip. Sunscreen for sure (hopefully I won't be spending 24/7 in the yoga room or hotel room and can memorize out by the pool! Also, trying to get a couple of cover ups as they have asked that we not parade the hotel lobby floor in our dripping wet, toxic yoga clothes and scare all the other paying guests!
Very hard to try and find fashion right now with no hint of green in it, but I think what I have will be fine. Ordered up all my Electrolytes, and vitamins for the 9 weeks -- they should come next week. I also found on line the very first edition of Bikram's Beginning Yoga book from 1978. Bought it for $2.99! Hope it comes before I leave because I would love to have Mr. B sign all three of my books! How fun. Doing an herbal tea detox right now for 10 days before I go and trying to meditate every night to be ready both inside and out.
No more, "If I only had a better _______ posture." or "It I had only lost 10 more pounds." or "If I had only started memorizing the Dialogue last year." stuff. It is what it is and it will all be just fine. To think otherwise is just not getting me where I want to be. Looking forward to a good chiropractic adjustment and massage tonight. Must remember to get the name of a good person down in Las Vegas. Will take the 6:30 class after my adjustment -- I just love practicing after I have been aligned! I feel so much "bendier". Will work the front desk at Yoga, close up and hopefully still have time to drop an Easter basket that we pulled together at work for a friend that is home ill. That will be the perfect end to a great day, to see my friend, whom I have missed so much since she has been out on sick leave. Have started reading a book recommended by Yoga Journal, "Awakening From Grief, finding the Way back to Joy," by John E. Welshons. I can't recommend it highly enough. Very beautiful, but keep the kleenex handy!

Why Did I wait until the Last Minute to Start Memorizing the Dialogue?

Anyone that has taken more than one Bikram yoga class (firstly, congratulations for surviving your first class and coming back!) knows that the "Dialogue" -- that is what the teacher leads you through during the 90 minutes you are in class, is the same from class to class. It is the same 26 postures, in the same order EVERY TIME you go to practice. What changes, of course, is YOU, day to day, hour to hour, your body is different. And that is the beauty of Bikram yoga. You can go to any Bikram studio ANYWHERE in the WORLD and take a class. People do it all the time, stop by our studio, which is near the San Francisco Airport, either flying in or flying out. I can practice in SoCal when I go to visit my son. Took classes in Oahu when vacationing last year. It is wonderful. And comforting.
But you know, as many classes as I have taken, as many times as I have heard, those familiar words,I thought I knew the Dialogue, until it was time to begin memorizing it -- word for word -- for teacher training. Then suddenly, nothing makes sense, it as if I have never heard these words before in my life. And I was a foreign language major in college, and always priding myself on having a decent memory and vocabulary. But, I tell you, I might as well be trying to learn though Brain surgery in Thai, for as much headway as I am making on this memorization.
I have been at it in earnest for a little more than a month (why or why didn't I start LAST SUMMER??) and I can honestly say I have less than half the 26 postured memorized.
I am truly having a block here.
I have enlisted all the TIPS and aids of friends who have taken the training before me, as well as teaching professionals, and learning specialists. So far to date these are the tips I have tried.
1. Went to Kinkos and had dialogue shrunk and laminated and three hole punched and put on a ring so I can sweat and memorize and flip through the pages. (Will probably bring with me to my first REAL class as a crunch).
The problem is with the smaller print, these old eyes can't read it as well.
2. Tape recorded my voice SAYING the Dialogue. I play this tape, in my car, while I sleep, while I walk around the parking lot on my two ten minutes breaks and half hour lunch break at work. Sometimes I recite with the tape, sometimes I just listen, often times I just ZONE OUT.
The problems are 1. I am wearing out the batteries too fast, then my voice gets really slow and I get impatient because I can say it faster than I do on the tape OR
I get lost trying to recite with the tape and then give up.
3. I have highlighted every single line of the 40 pages of Dialogue in a different colored highlighting pen. Always in the same order of color. So that when I am memorizing and saying it back to myself, I can "see" the Orange line, then the pink, line then the Blue line, etc.
The problem is I seem to be getting STUCK on the BLUE line a lot. I know it is a blue line next, but can't remember what it is. End of frustrated and go to bed.
4. I say the Dialogue in front of the Boyfriend (well, soon to be ex-boyfriend after this experience, I am afraid). I ask him to stop me if I say one word wrong, I hesitate at all.
The problem is that he DOES stop me when I get a word wrong "the knee" or "your knee" OR "in the mirror" or "on the mirror". I end of getting upset, saying I can't do this, and storm off.
5. I physically DO the poses while I am reciting them. (They just LOVE me in the Company Lunch room, or at the copy machine waiting for my reports to collate!)
The problem, I either loose my balance, get red in the face and want to pass out, or forget the line and have to hold it forever. (My poor students, I think!)
6. I do well, memorizing say the first five in the Series. Then go on to the next one. The next day I go back to #3 and I have forgotten it again and get frustrated.
I am discovering a pattern here.
7. I even go to sleep with the tape of Bikram himself teaching an audio class. I hate to say it, but even HE doesn't say it word for word in his own class!

I wish I could see the pattern here, but not yet. Someone told me, if you learn one thing at teacher training it would be to learn what kind of a Learner you are. Right now I'd say a LAZY one!!
I mean I always knew I was a procrastinator. "Last Minute Lizzy" my mom used to call me. But this is beyond that.
Can I blame age? Maybe.
Can I blame the stress the rest of my life? Perhaps
I am finding that the Brain is another muscle that got loose and flabby during these NON-BIKRAM years. And this muscle is harder to get into shape.
It is the Eleventh Hour.
I have 18 days until that first Meet and Greet and I am determined to get the rest in.
Time to sign off and get after that Tree Pose.

How I got here

This is the "Before Bikram" me. Very Overweight, very out of shape,very miserable inside and out. I had one of those Ah ha moments one morning about two years ago, when I dropped the soap in the shower, and literally could not bend down to pick it up. I thought to myself, my goodness, if I am this stiff and sore at 51, what will I be like at 70? So after the New Year, two girlfriends and I gave each other the gift of 30/30 --30 days of unlimited yoga at the Bikram Studio in Burlingame, CA. Not that I could complete the entire 90 minutes without having to sit out several times (for several weeks) or that I could do all the postures (some morning practices I still feel that way!), but I knew this was the place for me.

Something beautiful is happening here, the sign says on the studio door, and they are right. We can talk about the physical benefits of the practice -- the 27 lbs. lost, the firming up of long dormant muscles, the regaining of lost flexibility (yes, I am able to pick up the soap in the shower MOST mornings.) but it is so much more, isn't it?

I love how the body always surprises me. I love the discipline of the practice. I love how even the worst day in the yoga room is better than just about any piece of chocolate I can imagine. This coming from a life long choc-o-holic who works for a candy company!

I have been blessed with the love and support of many gifted and generous teachers at my studio. And I greedily soak up all they have to offer. From K,who has taught me to hold it longer than I really want to, and that it doesn't always have to be a struggle. From V, that my practice will be a life long journey, and to accept my body where it is today without judgment; from J, the power of the Now; from L, the Yumminess of it all. From, R, the power of stillness and that it is only energy shifting, From BV, Tough Love, Baby, and it's all there in the Dialogue. From D, my first teacher, with her gentle way and loving spirit, the power of Gratitude in our lives, you just can't be in a bad mood after one of her classes. From B, always learn technique, how to guide my breath into different parts of the body (still gotta work on that one) and that you can have a twisted sense of humor and still be a great yoga teacher!
And so, inspired by those who so generously gave of themselves to teach me, I feel compelled to carry it forward. Not that I am anyone special, with any great wisdom to impart. Just the opposite, I just a regular person, putting one foot in front of the other, day by day, who has benefited tremendously from my Bikram Yoga practice. A testament to the line, "If I can do it ANYBODY can do it", Let's just hope Bishnu Ghosh really knew what he was talking about when he said, "You are never too old to start all over again."

This teacher training will test me to the core on so many levels that I know of (physical, mental, spiritual) and probably many, many more that I have not even ventured to think about yet.
Since my first class two years ago, I have completed more than 650 classes,and I have just completed 75 days of /Bikram in a row, trying to do doubles on Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays, trying to get ready for what is to come. Not near enough probably to prepare me for this training, but it will just have to be because time is almost here........

Blog day 1 -- 21 days to Vegas, Baby!

First, I need to thank, Rob, for the patience he provided to set this up for me. I am slightly challenged by technology, but many of my yoga friends asked that I write this blog of my experience during the 9 weeks of Bikram Teacher Training (coming up WAY TOO SOON in Las Vegas).
My name is Liz. A fifty something Bikram student in San Mateo, California. I have been practicing Bikram yoga for two years. I decided to "take the plunge" and attend teacher training in Las Vegas this Spring. What sounded like a very romantic and noble undertaking in the beginning, will soon become a reality, and I am scared SH*TLESS! What on earth was I ever thinking? How did I think I could DO this. Well, I am committed now (or should I say I SHOULD be committed now?), the money's been paid, the time taken off work, the route has been charted in my GPS! I should be excited, but I am just very anxious.
In the coming days, I will write a bit more about what Bikram Yoga means to me, why I want to give back through teaching, and what I am doing (and NOT BEEN DOING -- /AKA, procrastinating) to get ready for my voyage.
Stay tuned as I embark on the ride of my life!